I Regret Moving to Another Country for Love: 7 Expat Stories

Moving to another country for love is such a romantic notion.

You often see it portrayed on television and in movies as being the epitome of romantic bliss.

But this is the real world. And sometimes things don’t go to plan.

What happens if he’s not the man you thought he’d be? Or if she turns out to be using you for a visa? Or if you feel totally isolated in a new town?

I spoke with 7 expats who regret moving abroad for love to find out the truth.

Read on to learn about times when moving abroad was a mistake because they followed their heart and not their gut. And find out how these female expats turned things around!

Ghosted in London

In 2013 I was backpacking through Australia by myself for 1 1/2 months.

The plan was to meet up with a guy whom I had a fling with a year earlier and then travel to Asia together.

One drunken night at a hostel party, I met my soon-to-be boyfriend. He was English, and I was American, but we hit it off. We found out we had the same itinerary, so he switched some things around and ditched his friend to come travel with me. 

Two weeks after meeting, we made our relationship official, and 3 weeks later he bought a plane ticket to the States to visit me for 3 months.

After 3 months passed, I went back with him to London for 7 weeks before flying back to the States to pack for my move to London. 

At this point in our relationship, I assume since we moved so fast, he was distancing himself from me. He stopped answering my messages and stopped texting me daily.

I started getting nervous about the move, but moving to Europe was my dream, so I was going to do it anyway. 

My family was really supportive of the move, and my mom even flew to London to help me.

Once I moved, I found a place, and that was when I realized I was completely alone.

After 6 months of being long-distance, I would expect him to want to see me right away or check in on me to make sure the move went alright.

Our relationship continued to get worse. 

My time in London was one of the most depressing times of my life.

Would I do it again if I had the chance? Absolutely.

I learned so much about myself during my time in London.

I am now older and know what I will and will not tolerate. If I met the right person, I would absolutely move abroad for love.  

Submitted by Marika of Clumsy Girl Travels

Unemployed in Switzerland

This is the first time I’ll say it out loud: I regret moving abroad for love.

And it is not an easy confession to make.

I was in a critical moment of my career, fighting for a promotion as a Product Manager in a multinational fashion company. I really liked my job but I felt it was time for a change after 12 years of doing the same thing.

My husband was offered a promotion back in 2012 to be a General Manager of Global Accounts in Geneva, Switzerland. We are from Sao Paulo, a very fast-paced city in Brazil.

I didn’t think twice. I wanted to go.

My husband was somehow afraid to take this step and change so many things in both of our lives. But finally, the proposal was too good to refuse and we moved. 

From the very first day, I was looking for job opportunities and noticed it was not going to be an easy task to get employed in Switzerland. I decided to enjoy this break and be a mom – got pregnant, had my son, and was full-time with him for a while.

But not being able to work was hitting hard on my self-esteem.

I hired a coach, participated in groups, etc., but the Swiss market is really closed and relational. It really felt like it was impossible to succeed.

This lowered confidence impacted our relationship as a couple.

Money somehow became a measure of our power balance and I felt less than.

Living abroad is like putting a magnifying glass on you: suddenly you notice how you talk, how you use your hands. Communicating in a different language is also a challenge itself. You lose part of the vocabulary, the fluence, the cadence.

We have been living abroad for 8 years now, and being a foreigner is a daily choice. Not an easy one.

What I regret the most is how this experience made my husband harder on things and how I got softer.

We lost our connection point and are still looking for ways to reestablish it.

Submitted by Bonnie Fisher of Better World Apparel

Pnemonia in Peru

I was backpacking in Peru, and I met a guy in Lima. We were wearing the same shirt (a Queen (the band) shirt). So naturally, me being the drunk backpacker I was, I decided to strike up a conversation.

He showed me around the city for the next few days.

Seeing the city in a new light – through the eyes of a local – was a beautiful experience. 

All too soon, our time was up and I continued on to Ecuador, where I had a volunteer spot set up.

We kept in contact and he convinced me to return to Peru to spend Christmas with his family in the jungle.

It was there that everything started to go wrong.

I didn’t really speak Spanish well, so I was isolated. When we traveled there, I had an aggressive case of tonsillitis when the hospital gave me two shots of penicillin.

This, coupled with the overwhelming heat of the jungle (my natural habitat is wet and windy northern England) meant that when I met his parents I was literally sweating buckets.

Slipping and sliding around my chair, his mum silently passed me a napkin across the table to wipe my sodden brow. 

As well as the disastrous first look with his parents, the antibiotics that followed the penicillin were not coupled with painkillers. I spent a good few days in unbelievable pain, unable to eat or sit up. 

This is where it gets really messy.

His ex-girlfriend had (according to him) had a drug problem and a problem with abusing prescription medication. So when I said I wanted painkillers, he accused me of being a drug addict.

When I started to get a little better he took away my antibiotics because “you feel better you don’t need them anymore. Are you a drug addict?” (like antibiotics are really high on the abused prescription drug list…). 

Now, if you know anything about antibiotics, you know that you need to keep taking them until the end of the course or risk it coming back worse.

Surprise, surprise! My tonsillitis spread into my lungs, and mama was left with a chest infection that developed into pneumonia. 

Unbelievably, he took credit for getting me help after I was rushed to the hospital barely able to breathe.

The doctors said I was lucky to be alive. The medication made me constipated for 17 days!

Now after the worst Christmas I’ve ever had, we returned to the capital city and I had to find a job.

Previously I had worked in restaurants and bars, but here I got a job writing for a travel company. My charm, wit, and intelligence meant I rose quickly in the ranks, and he hated it.

Whenever I went out he would lose his mind – and eventually, I broke (free) up with him.

He refused to move out for days, then sent his new girlfriend to pick up his stuff from my work (which has to be the funniest thing ever, since she never made it past security). 

He also told me when I served the severing words that “I couldn’t break up with him because he had planned a surprise wedding for when my mum would be here.”

I didn’t dodge the bullet, but I did dodge the cannonball!

It changed my career directory completely, I now work in my dream job and love my life in Peru.

It’s difficult knowing how it started, and it’s hard for me to be grateful because of what a dickhead this guy was, but I am happy and thriving now. 

My mum is happy for me as she knows that I’ve always wanted to live and work abroad. Admittedly, I shielded her from most of the shit. 

Submitted by Claire of Amazonas Explorer

Isolated in the USA

After being in a long-distance relationship for almost 3 years, I went through the USA visa process and moved from the UK to Iowa, USA for love.

That was in 2016.

In June 2020 I decided to return (by myself) to live in the UK.

I often ask myself “do I regret moving overseas for love?” and my answer changes.

I am glad I was able to experience living in another country. I was able to see places I probably wouldn’t have travelled to as a tourist.

It also put me on my current life path, which I love right now.

However, I had a lot more lows than what I did highs. I went from living on the outskirts of London, close to international airports, the coast, and my family, to living in somewhere that essentially felt like the middle of nowhere.

Moving for love means you can’t always choose a different location if the other person doesn’t want to compromise.

I struggled with the winters that often reached -20C/-4F. I found it hard to make friends in a small town where everyone had known each other since school.

Some cultural differences I just could not adapt to and I really missed my family.

The visa process was also extremely difficult.

I felt very alone, falling into a state of depression which resulted in me suffering from stress related hair loss.

I think I would have coped a little better if I was actually living in an area that I loved.

In the end, returning home was the right decision for me.

By Kylie from Between England and Iowa

Dumped Abroad

I met J. during my year abroad at Lancaster University, in the United Kingdom, and we fell in love almost immediately.

After 9 intense months, we decided that I’d go visit him in Boulder, Colorado, where he lived and went to school. 

It was my first trip to the United States. It was winter and I found myself in a winter wonderland, with way more snow than I had ever seen in my life.

We were happy, but after almost two months there I had to fly back to Italy so that I could graduate.

The plan was to get my degree in the next few months, and move back to Colorado where I’d pursue post-graduate studies and a life with him. 

And so I did – after all, he called every day saying he missed me, begging me to hurry up and return.

I left Italy a few weeks after graduation.

It was spring in Colorado by then.

It didn’t take me long after I was back in Boulder to realize something was different.

J. felt distant. He insisted nothing had changed, but I felt there was something wrong.

I spent three months there – the 90 days before my tourist visa expired – in agony. We argued more often than we ever did. 

The night before flying home, knowing I’d be back in a few weeks with a student visa, I joked with him saying he’d break up with me at the airport. He denied, said he’d never do that.

He did not break up with me at the airport. He waited until I made it home to Italy to do that. 

I decided to pursue my post-graduate studies in Denver anyways.

It opened up a whole different world to me, and I wouldn’t be here now had I decided to stay in Italy.

I was hurt, but I don’t regret going at all.

Submitted by Claudia of My Adventures Across The World

The Expat Squatter

One of the benefits of travelling solo is the beauty of meeting people from all around the world and during my 2011 return trip to St. Lucia, I met one person who would change my life forever.

I had no intentions of becoming entrenched in a long-distance relationship, it just happened.

Throughout a year of “long-distance dating”, we had nightly skyped chats, and I flew to St. Lucia every opportunity I had. During this year, we developed an intense emotional connection we couldn’t deny.

After, one year of “dating” we made the decision that he would visit me in Canada with a view to staying.

On Boxing Day 2012, the love of my life experienced winter weather for the very first time.

He stayed in Canada and later that year we got married.

Biggest mistake I ever made! (And believe me when I say that I’ve made many.)

The second the “I do’s” were said everything changed.

There was no longer communication of any sort, physical or verbal. By the time this change of behavior began, I had already invested thousands of dollars to begin the Canadian Residency process and had supported him while he was waiting for his residency.

Once his residency was granted, he immediately found work, but refused to contribute to household expenses.

After 3 years of living in complete hell, I had enough. Since he refused to leave my home which I owned upon his arrival, I had no option but to sell in order to end my relationship and send him on his merry way.

That was in 2015 and I haven’t laid eyes on him since.

I can’t say for sure whether or not he latched onto me in order to move to Canada for a better life (he denies it), but despite my experience, I still have romance in my heart and I do believe that finding love abroad can still work.

It just won’t be happening to me again anytime soon.

Submitted by Kelly of Just One Passport

German Blues

When I exited the plane in 2011, after my first international flight, I was so nervous.

There I was, a 24-year-old Bostonian girl who had just moved to Hamburg Germany for a boy she had fallen in love with while volunteering in Virginia.

Unfortunately, the move didn’t turn out the way I had hoped and it didn’t take long for regret to sink in. 

My boyfriend, Thomas, was so supportive. His friends and family also tried to make me feel as welcome as possible, but I struggled.

I found myself resenting Thomas because everything came easy to him in this country. 

My biggest challenge was the weather.

I am used to harsh winters, but I found the constant gray days to be difficult on my generally positive personality. 

After four years in Germany I couldn’t do it anymore. I told Thomas that we needed to move somewhere else or I didn’t think he and I would make it as a couple. 

I’m thankful that I have an amazing partner who was happy to take a leap of faith with me.

In 2016 we moved to sunny Costa Rica after Thomas was offered a job at a German school here. 

It’s been five years and in that time we have gotten married on a Costa Rican beach surrounded by our loved ones from all over the world and started a successful Costa Rica travel business.

For us, we realized that our relationship does best on neutral ground. 

My life is better than I could have ever imagined. So, that initial regret of moving abroad for love and struggle to fit in brought forward something amazing in the end!

Submitted by Sarah of Costa Rica Vibes

Moving Abroad for Love, is it Worth it?

I believe everyone should move abroad at least once. I mean, I do it every year!

However, sometimes the reason you move doesn’t work out.

As you can see from the expat stories above, just because the relationship didn’t work doesn’t mean that moving abroad was a mistake. Perhaps the relationship was, or one part of your reasoning.

But you can turn it around, just like these magnificent women did.

The romantic in me says moving to another country for love is totally doable. …but maybe have a backup plan ready, just in case.

Or risk ending up on that 90-day Fiance reality show that seems like a true nightmare.

Don’t wait for love to move abroad. Do it on your own terms!

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• Moving and Living Abroad Guide
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• 29 Greatest Ways to Make Money Travelling the World
• 6 Guaranteed Ways to Make Travel Friends When You’re Travelling Alone

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