Eating Alone While Traveling: Overcoming Fear of Eating Alone

Does the idea of eating alone in a restaurant fill you with dread? You’re not alone!

I, like so many other solo travellers, have suffered from a fear of dining alone on my travels. Or even at home.

I worried that everyone would judge me for sitting by myself. Or that I wouldn’t be able to get through the meal due to my hands shaking from anxiety. Or maybe a waiter would even openly mock me!

I’ll be honest, that last one was pure solomangarephobia – the fear of eating alone in public.

My anxiety, my eating disorder, and my fear of judgement came together to make it impossible to eat by myself.

But I conquered that fear. And you can, too!

In this guide, I’ll take you through all of the tips and tricks that I recommend to help you overcome your fear of eating alone while travelling.

I’ll also provide you with an actionable framework you can use to go from dining alone terrified to dining alone confidently.

Keep reading to discover the best tips and tricks I’ve used to conquer my fear of eating alone so I eat anywhere when solo travelling!

Fear of Eating Alone is a Real Thing!

Eating alone is a fear that many people share.

In fact, most people tell me that eating alone is a big worry for them when they travel alone.

So many of them have called me brave for doing it, which shows me just how scared they are of dining solo.

I know what you’re thinking: fear of flying and fear of the dark are way scarier than fear of eating alone, right?

Well, fear of eating alone actually is a phobia that many people fear more than anything else.

It’s something you have to face constantly, even when you’re dining with others and they run to the restroom for a moment.

In fact, there’s even a term for the fear: solomangarephobia.

What is Solomangarephobia?

Solomangarephobia is the fear of eating alone in public.

The fear isn’t specifically about eating, eating in restaurants, or being lonely while eating.

This fear of eating alone in public comes from a fear of being judged, fear of not being able to get through the meal due to your anxiety, or fear of what others may think about you.

It’s a fear that many people share, and it can be paralyzing for those who suffer from it.

But it is conquerable! Like all fears, you can face it and defeat the power it holds over you.

Where Could This Fear Come From?

Eating alone has a lot of negative connotations in society.

Think back to your childhood. You probably had to sit in a lunchroom at some time or another.

It was terrifying to sit alone at a table without people around you.

In fact, TV told us we were weird, lonely, or losers if we didn’t have people to sit with at lunch.

I always think of that scene in Mean Girls where Lindsey Lohan eats her lunch in the bathroom rather than sit alone in the cafeteria.

This fear of being viewed as a loser, as not having any friends, or as being rejected by others continues later in life.

We bring it into our adulthood by fearing eating alone at a restaurant, where we wonder if others are judging us for dining solo.

On TV shows and in movies, characters dining solo are viewed with pity.

They’ve often been stood up by a date, have no friends, or have had something go wrong to lead to them eating alone.

So we internalize this idea and worry that others will think we have been stood up somehow if we dine alone.

The worry grows to be a true fear, until it’s a legitimate phobia that could prevent you from living your solo travel dreams by preventing you from eating alone at a restaurant.

Signs of Solomangarephobia

If you suffer from solomangarephobia, you may experience some or all of the following:

• Avoiding eating at places you actually want to because no one is available to go with you
• Hands shaking when you’re trying to dine alone
• Scarfing down your food as fast as possible whenever you do have to eat alone in a restaurant or cafe
• Stuttering or struggling to get words out when you speak with the server
• Skipping meals just to avoid eating alone in a restaurant

Eating Alone with an Eating Disorder

My fear of eating alone came from anxiety about what others thought of me, but it was also impacted by my disordered eating.

When I was younger, I had a lot of problems with food. I’m not sure if it came before or after my body image issues, but it may have gone hand in hand.

I struggled to eat in front of anyone. I’d even count my bites and the bites of those around me to ensure no one saw me as eating too quickly.

Because of that, I was hyper-aware of my eating habits at all times, and assumed everyone else was, too.

As I grew, my body image issues got worse and I began binge eating.

For those who don’t know, binge eating is when someone eats a lot of food in a short period of time and often feels out of control during the eating.

Then they punish themselves by restricting food to “make up for it”. Or they over-exercise so they “deserve to eat”.

Food became a massive issue for me around this period.

Unfortunately, that was also the time when I started solo travelling.

With most people not aware of my disordered eating, it was easy to let it flourish while I was on holiday alone. I’d avoid eating in front of anyone, then binge terrible food alone in my room.

I missed out on so many amazing restaurants and delicious meals because of that.

I also put my health at risk.

When I had to share a room on a trip to Greece, I nearly passed out at the luggage carousel in Toronto going home because I hadn’t eaten properly for over a week.

I share this because I want it to be clear that a fear of eating alone isn’t just about eating in a restaurant. It’s borne from a lot of other fears that we hold.

As women, it can be particularly challenging since we’re socialized to be more concerned about what we’re eating.

Which is why I want to help solo female travelers overcome this fear so you can conquer the world, one restaurant at a time!

I Used to Be Terrified of Eating Alone, Especially When Solo Travelling

Growing up, I was so afraid of restaurants that I made my parents order food for me well into my teens.

To look at me now, dining alone around the world without a care, you’d be shocked that I’m the same person.

On one of my first solo travel trips (where I wasn’t on a group tour), I went to Amsterdam. I was on my own for 3 days, so I had a number of meals to deal with there.

I remember texting my mom and my therapist every time I needed to figure out where to eat.

Two of the three nights, I ended up back at my hotel eating something from the bar in the lobby because I’d driven myself into a panic attack trying to figure out how to eat alone in a restaurant in downtown Amsterdam.

I missed out on so many delicious Dutch treats! Instead, I got meh pizza and a salad.

On the night I did eat out, I went to a UK chain restaurant that has communal tables. I went very early so there was almost no one there, and ate something I could have gotten at home (I was living in Scotland at the time).

When I got home from that trip, I was so angry that my fear had controlled me. I felt weak and defeated, like I’d never be able to dine out on my own terms.

That’s when I resolved to overcome this fear.

It didn’t happen overnight. But I did conquer my fear of eating alone while traveling!

How I Conquered My Solo Dining Fears

Conquering my fear of eating alone took time.

I won’t lie and say that it happened overnight, because it didn’t.

I conquered my fears through a mix of talk therapy, exposure, and necessity.

The talk therapy was used to treat my generalized anxiety and my disordered eating. It just happened that my fears of eating alone in a restaurant went hand in hand with those.

Most people don’t need a therapist to help them gain the confidence to eat out alone.

The exposure therapy was something I devised on my own.

I decided that I needed to get better at doing things that scared me. Eating alone seemed like the perfect one to tackle.

After years of not eating where I wanted to because my friends were on a budget or didn’t like seafood (which should be a sin if you live in Halifax), I wanted to go to the places I wanted to eat.

First, I got comfortable being on my own.

I’d take time to mediate, practice mindful walking, and do yoga so I could handle sitting alone with my thoughts.

Then, I started with other meals.

I’d get breakfast alone – there are usually TONS of people eating alone at breakfast wherever you go.

Eventually, I progressed to lunch.

Once I felt confident enough, I challenged myself to go to dinners more frequently by myself.

With how often I solo travel, it became once a month that I was eating out alone for dinner, at a minimum.

I started wearing headphones during my meals. I’d also have a book on hand and a few backup entertainment sources, like apps on my phone or people to text.

But soon I didn’t need them.

They actually became more annoying than helpful when my headphones would get tangled while I ate (in the days before Airpods).

I started losing the crutches.

And before I knew it, I was proudly declaring “table for one!” at hostess stands around the world!

I recommend booking food tours with this company abroad!

20 Tips for Conquering Your Fear of Eating Alone While Travelling

1. Eat at the Bar

Dining at the bar of a restaurant can make eating alone so much easier. You aren’t facing an empty chair or looking out onto the rest of the restaurant.

It’s also a good place for a more casual feel.

And the bartender is often happy to chat with anyone sitting nearby.

2. Bring Things to Entertain/Distract You

If you’re feeling self-conscious, reading or scrolling through your phone can help you pass the time and not focus on being alone.

Some people prefer a book, a podcast, a downloaded show on their phone, or a puzzle.

Do whatever you need to do to distract yourself.

You may only need the entertainment until your food arrives. Or maybe just have it sitting on the table to know it’s there.

3. People Watch

Personally, I don’t love people watching. I get anxious that they’ll notice I’m looking.

But if you’re not plagued with constant social anxiety, this one may help you!

Watching other diners can give you some ideas of things to order or just help pass the time.

You can turn it into a game and try to figure out people’s stories. Or assign your own.

Some people even create a mental bingo list of diners to look out for, so they have a game to play while they people watch.

4. Avoid Peak Dining Times

Being alone during a busy time at a restaurant is not ideal.

Be strategic about when your solo dining adventures happen.

I’ve found that eating early for dinner is easier than later on. Getting right to the table also means you won’t have to wait as long!

Sometimes restaurants are not as happy to have solo diners during peak hours, as well. This can lead to worse tables. They want to save the better spots for multiple paying customers.

I eat early anyway since I go to bed quite early. So I often head to dinner around 5pm.

With emptier restaurants, you’ll also be able to take your time eating, feel a bit less stressed about eyes on you, and chat with your server.

5. Start Assuming the Best

Anxiety leads us to think the worst possible outcome at all times.

I’ve legitimately had the fear that I’ll be laughed out of a restaurant for eating alone while travelling.

Spoiler alert: that’s never happened! And never will happen! People aren’t nightmare-sequence cruel in real life.

Instead, try to picture the night going well. Before you leave, create a picture in your mind of all the things that can go right.

Reframing your thinking makes it much easier to get out the door and into the restaurant.

At first, you’ll need to do this in steps. As you’re eating, think of the next thing that will happen and assume the best.

Soon, you’ll have retrained yourself to assume the best all the time!

When things do go wrong, they won’t feel like a sign that it’s all going to go to the worst possible place. They’re just a slip-up, since most of the experience did go to plan.

6. Practice Before You Travel

If you fear eating alone, there’s a good chance you fear it at home too.

A little bit of practice can make it easier for when the real thing comes around!

I started eating out around my hometown to get used to the sensation.

It became easier and easier the more I did it.

Since travel is so stressful already (in a great way!), you don’t want the added pressure of needing to conquer your fear of eating alone abroad.

You want it to be as easy as possible before you get to that point.

7. Act Confident

Even if you don’t feel confident, act like you do.

Fake it ’til you make it, right?

Slumping in your chair and looking down at your plate will only make you feel more uncomfortable and out of place.

Sit up straight, make eye contact with your server, and order with assurance. Even when you ask for a table for one, say it with pride!

It’s like how smiling can make you feel better. Acting confident can make you feel more confident!

8. Return to Places You Feel Comfortable

When you’re travelling, everything is out of your comfort zone. So sometimes, it’s nice to do something that feels expected.

This can be going to a chain restaurant that you have back home. Or returning to a restaurant you’ve already eaten in.

No one will judge you for where you eat! It’s entirely up to you.

I’ve literally gone back to the same restaurant multiple times in a week when I’m travelling and really enjoyed the food. It became a safe place, so it was easier to dine solo. It also had amazing things I kept wanting to try. So it was a win-win!

9. Have Something to Save Your Seat

You don’t want someone to take your table while you’re in the bathroom or for your server to think you left. But it’s a bad idea to leave all your belongings sitting there unattended.

In winter, this tip is much easier, as you have all of your gear that can be left on your chair.

But in summer, it’s harder to have things to leave behind.

I often bring a scarf or pashmina that can be easily put in my purse. Then I leave it draped on the back of my chair when I go to the bathroom.

Or I leave my sunglasses (before I got prescription ones) on the table to signal that I’m still eating.

10. Have a Drink to Calm Your Nerves

Eating alone can be pretty daunting, so having a drink beforehand can be really helpful!

It’s also nice to actually enjoy the cocktail instead of downing it in five minutes.

I don’t drink anymore, but when I did, I often used this tip.

Having a glass of wine or a beer can be something to nervously play with while you wait for your meal. It can also help settle your nerves.

Now I just take anxious sips of water, which works too, but does make you have to pee more.

11. Do Your Research

I prefer to check out a restaurant before I eat there, especially when I had a phobia of eating solo.

Knowing the menu, the layout, the peak dining hours, and how to get there/back can help you feel prepared.

Sometimes I’d ask other travellers or my accommodation staff for recommendations as well. Then you know it’s a place that accepts solo travellers.

Ultimately, you’ll never know everything. But it can help you feel more in control when your brain is on an anxious spiral.

12. Chat With Your Server

Sometimes you need a chat. It doesn’t matter how introverted or anxious you are; talking to people can help you feel settled in busy places.

I love to ask my server for recommendations from the menu, even if I already know what I want. Or I’ll ask for local tips.

You’ll get the socialization and you may find out something unexpected that will enrich your trip!

Be respectful: if the restaurant is very busy, don’t bother the server. They need to get their work done.

But if it’s quiet, feel free to try to start up a chat.

13. Remember: People Are Focused on Themselves

Remember that everyone in the restaurant is probably focused on themselves. No one is really paying attention to you or your meal.

Unless you’re being super loud, people just aren’t going to notice you.

Which can be helpful for those of us with anxiety!

We’re so hyper-aware of ourselves and everything we do, that we forget that other people aren’t doing the same to us. They’re doing it to themselves!

It can help to tell yourself that you’re just one of a thousand people on the corners of their life today. They probably won’t even remember you once they pay their cheque.

So why should you worry about them or their perception of you?

14. Wear What You Want

I’ve seen a lot of advice over the years to wear something fancy or go super comfortable.

I think it really depends on your preference. So wear whatever you want!

Sometimes dressing up can make you feel like more eyes are on you. Other times, it can make you feel more powerful.

Dressing down can do the same for people.

So dress in whatever way makes you feel the most confident!

15. Treat Your Self

This is my favourite solo dining hack: treat yourself!

Solo dining is hard, so you deserve a reward for facing your fears.

Your treat can be a nicer meal, a dessert, maybe an activity you want to do, or that new coat you’ve been eyeing.

Whatever it is, have a treat in mind to help you work through your fears and conquer that restaurant!

16. Set Small Goals

Don’t have the goal that you’ll eat alone in a Michelin restaurant without any props on your first try! That’s wayyy too hard, even for some experienced solo diners.

Instead, you’ll want to set small goals that way you can grow.

Maybe start with drinking your coffee in the coffee shop instead of taking it to go. Then grow to meals. Perhaps just try appetizers before you go for an entree at dinner.

Having small goals allows you to check them off and feel like you’re making progress so you can be more positive about your work!

17. Markets Are Easier to Eat at Solo

Markets are so much easier to face solo than a restaurant.

There aren’t as many structured guidelines at markets, and people often eat on the move.

I’ve dined in many markets around the world solo. From hawker markets in Singapore to the St. Lawrence Market in Toronto, I’ve been able to get more comfortable eating in public and sitting alone.

Try it for yourself!

18. Practise Mindful Eating

Mindful eating is a practice where you focus on your food.

You can do it to whatever degree you prefer. Some people focus on every bite and how much they chew.

Others just savour the taste.

I use mindfulness when I dine solo to help me get out of that negative space. Sometimes I practice mindfulness by being more aware of my surroundings. But in this case, I find it better to focus on my plate.

It helps me appreciate the food more, keep breathing normally, and pull my attention from others around me.

19. Make a Reservation

Saying “table for one!” can be the hardest part of eating alone in a restaurant. Avoid that by booking a table beforehand.

It’s even better if they have an automated booking system so you never need to say how many are in your party!

20. Join a Food Tour

If eating alone feels like something you’ll never conquer, but you still want to eat out while travelling, join a food tour!

I love food tours. They allow me to try all sorts of local dishes without needing to order full plates of everything for myself.

They also teach you about local history in a really unique way.

Food tours exist literally everywhere. So you can definitely find them!

If you can’t afford a food tour, try to find hostels with communal dining areas. And ask if they offer group dinners where you can go out with others.

I recommend booking food tours with this company abroad!

Are People Really Judging Me for Dining Solo in a Restaurant?

Short answer: no!

When you’re dining out alone, you’re likely worrying if people around you are judging you.

Can I be honest?

People don’t think about you as much as you think they do.

It sounds harsh, but it’s actually really freeing. Once you realize people are more worried about themselves than they are about you, then you can enjoy living your life how you want to!

Think about times when you’ve been out with friends.

Do you spend your whole meal looking at other people and judging them?

No!

You may have a passing thought or two about people around you. Or maybe you play a people-watching game.

But you aren’t actively ridiculing people around you.

You’re focused on your meal, eating with your friends, and your own behaviours.

The same is true of other diners.

To be honest, if they are noticing that you’re alone, they’re probably thinking, “I wish I could do that.”

Actionable Steps to Get Rid of Your Fear of Eating Alone

Step 1: Start Small

Start by getting comfortable ordering things at takeaway restaurants alone.

This feels really small, but it makes a difference.

Step 2: Challenge Yourself to Be Alone

You’ll never be comfortable eating alone until you get comfortable with yourself.

Take time to be alone, without the distractions of TV or music.

Practice mindfulness. Go for a mindful walk. Meditate. Do yoga. Go for a jog. Or even a hike!

Find a space where you’re alone with your thoughts for a few minutes, and work on growing the time that you’re comfortable doing this.

Step 3: Start with Another Meal

Breakfast and lunch are way easier than dinner.

Eating alone at breakfast is pretty normal. Most restaurants have tables for one.

You can even start at a cafe, if it’s easier.

Eventually, grow to lunch.

Then try an early dinner.

Step 4: Go Once a Month

I like challenges. So let’s set a challenge for you: for a year, go to dinner alone once a month.

If it gets easy, start going once a week.

Don’t blow your budget, but find ways that you can make eating out alone feel ok.

Step 5: Start Losing Crutches

Once you’re comfortable, start removing those crutches.

Put away the book. Don’t bring headphones. Put your phone on airplane mode.

If you never feel comfortable enough to remove the crutches, that’s ok, too!

Pros of Eating Alone

I LOVE eating by myself. It’s one of my favourite things to do, because it’s so freeing.

I feel empowered when I do things like this that many people consider “brave”. I’m like “yeah, I’m brave. I’m badass!”

These are my top pros of eating alone:

• You can order whatever you want
• No one lies about “not being hungry” and then eats half your fries or your dessert
• No trying to carry on a conversation while your food gets cold
• Don’t have to worry about someone talking with their mouth full
• Leave whenever you want
• No awkward moment about paying the bill
• It’s easier to get a table with a smaller party
• No pressure to drink, if you don’t want to or don’t like to
• Eat wherever you want to
• You can read while eating (something that was never allowed while growing up as a bookworm)
• You can text while eating and not seem massively rude
• Go at your own pace
• Wear whatever you want

Downsides of Eating Alone

I’ve been eating alone at restaurants so long that I actually see eating with others as the less desirable option now.

But for the sake of fairness, I’ll point out some cons of dining solo – these may help you avoid turning into the introverted monster I’m quickly becoming (can you be a hermit if you travel a lot, but very solo??).

• There’s no one to share dishes with, so you can’t try more of the menu
• No one to talk to while you wait before and after your meal – which feels especially necessary in Europe where the gaps can last an hour or more
• Going to the bathroom feels like Russian roulette. Will your waiter think you left? Do you take your stuff with you? Solution: Ask where the bathrooms are, even if it’s clear, so they know you’ll be back. Take your purse, but leave your coat.
• Some restaurants force you to sit in worse areas if you’re solo dining (which you can ask to be moved from)
• Sometimes restaurants don’t allow reservations for one, especially at peak times
• If you drink, you can’t split a bottle with someone. So you may end up paying more for glasses of wine

Closing Thoughts: Conquer Your Fear of Eating Alone While Travelling

If you’re scared of eating alone in a restaurant or fear the awkwardness that can come with dining solo, fear not.

The pros far outweigh the cons when it comes to eating by yourself at restaurants.

You’ll be able to explore your food options without judgement and enjoy your meal more fully because there’s no one distracting you from actually eating!

Challenge yourself to try it out – go once a month, or even once a week if you’re feeling daring.

You may find that eating alone is one of the best things you can do for your travel experience!

Have you tried eating alone in a restaurant? How did it go? Tell me in the comments!

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Related Posts:

• Solo Female Travel Guide
• Benefits of Travelling Alone: 20 Pros and Cons of Solo Travel
• 6 Guaranteed Ways to Make Travel Friends When You’re Travelling Alone
• Is Solo Travel Lonely?: Conclusively Debunking The Myth
• 10 Mistakes First-Time Solo Travelers Make
• What Type of Solo Traveller Are You?

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